Parenting Stress

The words "parenting" and "stress" seem to go together. What are the sources of this stress? Worrying about the well-being of children is a major source, but there is also the stress of trying to be perfect and of juggling the demands of a job, a spouse, and the management of a household. We are generally unprepared for the job of parenting and sometimes feel inadequate and unsure. We have a tendency to expect too much of ourselves and these unrealistic high expectations cause us to feel that we never measure up. And because of our mobile society, we are often not close enough to our own parents or extended family to provide support. And last of all, the rules keep changing. Things that were once thought to be appropriate parenting techniques are no longer accepted and new and contradictory information is always coming out. Add to this the other stresses we have: financial, health, relationships, work, and it's amazing we aren't all basket cases.

So, how can we reduce parenting stress? Here are some ideas:

• Set priorities. Decide what is really important. Spending time with your children, showing them love by listening and encouraging them will certainly have more long-term impact than having a clean house.
• Accept yourself as imperfect. It is a relief to have more realistic expectations than what we feel is imposed on us by public opinion.
• Take a break. Even if it's only for 10-15 minutes, doing something you enjoy can give you the added energy to meet all your challenges.
• Take care of your health. Get enough sleep, exercise (even short walks with or without your children), and eat healthy. When you are feeling good, you can cope better.
• Ask for help. Getting friends, neighbors, family to help share tasks like shopping, baby sitting, cleaning, etc. can help take the burden off.
• Join a parent support group.
• Increase knowledge of parenting skills by taking a class. Many local hospitals, or community groups, have parenting programs. The Health Department also has several series focusing on different age children. Please call 682-7560 for more information.
• Keep your sense of humor. Put minor upsets in perspective. Most of what we get stressed over doesn't matter in the long run. Laugh whenever you can.
• Avoid physical means of discipline. It only teaches children to use violence to get their way. If you are stressed, you may overreact.
• Discover the "de-stressing" quality of human touch. A hug not only helps the "huggee," but the "hugger." A pat on the back, a squeeze of the hand, or a massage are other ways we can communicate caring.
• Recognize your stress points, situations which tend to make you more stressed, and plan for them, If you know the roughest part of your day is when you get home from work, sit down with your family and problem solve how you all can make this easier on all of you.

Remember, as you learn to manage the stress of parenting, you are also modeling these skills for your children and giving them groundwork for handling their own stress.

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