Promoting Self Esteem in the Preschool Child

Child development experts tell us that the beginnings of a concept of self begin as early as 16 months of age and that by the time a child is school age he already has very definite feelings about himself, his appearance, his intelligence, his "goodness" or "badness," feelings that become a deeply imbedded aspect of his personality. Perhaps one of the greatest gifts we can give the preschool child is a sense of competence, a sense that he is a very special human being and unconditionally valued.

What are some ways we can help a child develop a strong sense of self-esteem? Perhaps one very important way is by really listening. It is so easy to only half pay attention to childish chatter, but it can mean so much to the child if we really concentrate, ask a question ("What happened then?"), respond to a feeling expressed ("That must have made you happy."), maintain eye contact, and express enjoyment in the conversation.

It is very important to recognize that a child is already developing a unique personality, one that is different from every other human being. Observe the words and actions of your child to understand the person underneath and express encouragement of those qualities you would like to see develop.

Catch the child being good. In our jobs as disciplinarians we sometimes overlook all those things that the child consistently does well. Make a point of calling attention to these, such as, "I really liked how gentle you were with baby brother." Or, "It's so helpful when you put your toys away." These comments can be especially effective when they are least expected.

Encourage improvement. Don't wait for a perfect accomplishment, but praise an attempt. A child who gets positive feedback for a new task will try all the harder the next time.

Use a child's name frequently, especially in positive situations. "Oh, Mary, what a nice drawing." At the same time, try not to use the child's name during punishment. A child needs to associate his name with positive feelings and reactions in others.

Don't overreact to mistakes. Help the child to realize that mistakes are a way we learn and that they do not mean we are less worthwhile as people.

Express the belief that you are confident he can solve problems for himself. Don't be too quick to jump in and resolve conflicts for him or he will get the message that he is not competent to deal with situations himself.

Always remember that inside each child is a very special treasure waiting to be found. Discovering that treasure, and helping the child to discover it as well, is the basis for helping develop an adult with a healthy mental outlook.

Print this page without borders.