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RAISING
A THINKING CHILD
Using the I Can Problem Solve Program

To Help Children Learn How to Think





Six Lesson--Family Self-Study
using the I Can Problem Solve Program developed by Dr. Myrna B. Shure
Provided by Mental Health Services, DuPage County Health Department
Wheaton, Illinois (630)682-7979 Ext. 7607 Spring 2002
Also available on the internet: www.dupagehealth.org

Lesson 1
Lesson 2
Lesson 3
Lesson 4
Lesson 5
Lesson 6


RAISING A THINKING CHILD
Using ICPS, the “I Can Problem Solve” Program

6 Lessons--Family Education

Based upon the book: Raising a Thinking Child,
Help Your Child to Resolve Everyday Conflicts
and Get Along with Others, by Myrna B. Shure, Ph.D.

Introduction

Welcome to this 6 lesson self-guided family education series. The training package has been designed for families to use at their own pace. While it is recommended that the whole family participate, the program can be used by any combination of family members. The lessons are built around a well-researched and evaluated program called
“I Can Problem Solve or ICPS.” “Raising a Thinking Child” is the parent’s/family version of this program. DuPage County Health Department has selected this program because it meets the criteria for effective prevention programming.

A Quote from the Author

“By the time your child is four, you've probably already told him a thousand times what to do and not to do. Is a thousand and one times going to make a difference? It's time to try something new.”
--author, Myrna B. Shure


Achievements with ICPS As Early As Age 4

ICPS Kids:

  • Are sensitive to their own and other's feelings.

  • Can think of more than one way to solve a problem.

  • Can anticipate the consequences of their acts upon themselves and others.

  • Are aware of good times and not good times to act.

  • Can cope with frustration when they cannot obtain their wish.

Assignment: Read pages 1 - 19, the Introduction and Chapter 1, “How to Think, Not What to Think,” of Raising a Thinking Child.

The following lessons are full of games and activities. To some they may seem silly and senseless. Often they are silly, but they also contribute to building a strong foundation for problem solving. Many of the early lessons are just fun and games. Enjoy them! Enjoy your children! By lesson six you and your family will have a new set of skills that will help your child become a confident problem solver.

Lesson One

Welcome to ICPS. ICPS stands for I Can Problem Solve. The following lessons and activities will help children learn to be better problem solvers. In some instances children will be able to avoid problems all together, just by using these ICPS skills.

List your goals for your children. If the children are old enough, families may want to have the children participate and make a list of their goals for the family.

Share and discuss the list(s).

Research tells us that kids need three things to succeed. Those three things are:

  • Thinking skills

  • Social skills

  • A sense of competence

ICPS strengthens children’s thinking skills, social skills and their sense of competence.

ICPS teaches parents and children skills to help them reach their goals.

Thinking skills and problem solving require a good vocabulary of problem solving words.

Therefore, ICPS starts with building a basic problem-solving vocabulary rather than with problems. ICPS labels these early skills as pre-problem solving skills or activities.

Basic Vocabulary

Word Pairs and Their Problem Solving Functions:

  • IS - IS NOT - to think, “IS an idea, a good idea, or NOT a good idea?”

  • AND - OR - to recognize there is more than one way to think about things.

  • SOME - ALL - to recognize that a solution will satisfy SOME but not ALL people, or SOME, but not ALL of the time.

  • SAME - DIFFERENT - to remember that there are DIFFERENT ways to solve the SAME problem.

  • BEFORE - AFTER - to help children with consequential thinking: what happened first.

  • NOW - LATER - to help children learn coping skills e.g., to deal with the frustration they feel when they can't have what they want right away.

Assignment: Practice problem-solving vocabulary activities. First practice the basic problem solving vocabulary words in everyday life situations (some examples are provided). This practice helps your children become familiar with the words and develop a sense of competence using the words before applying them in the often more threatening problem solving situations. Optional: Read Chapter 2, of Raising a Thinking Child, “Playing with Words.”


Lesson One, Continued
Problem-solving Vocabulary
Practice Activities for Families
Playing these games should be fun for the family. The object of the games IS NOT to be looking for “right answers.” Parents are encouraged to praise thinking, even the creative and silly thinking. The goal IS to have fun with these words and to learn to hear and think these words with a sense of familiarity and competence. These game words are the very SAME words that will help you become a better problem solver LATER on.

SOME EXAMPLES:
At Mealtime

  • This IS a hamburger. It is NOT an apple. What else is it NOT? (Parents are urged to put emphasis on the problem solving vocabulary words. The emphasis on the word helps children learn to listen for these words, or even begin to think of the words in their own activities.)

  • Is this a hamburger OR is it spinach?

  • Are SOME of us eating beans, or are ALL of us eating beans?

  • This IS a fork (point or pick up.) This IS a spoon. Is this the SAME thing OR something DIFFERENT.

  • Do you peel your banana BEFORE OR AFTER you eat it?

  • You can eat your cake AFTER you eat SOME of your dinner.

  • You can play LATER, not NOW.

In the Grocery Store

  • This IS a grocery store. It IS NOT a toy store. What else is it NOT?

  • This IS a box of cereal AND a container of milk, but NOT chocolate syrup.

  • Show me two things that are the SAME.

  • We are in the store NOW. What did you do BEFORE we came to the store?

  • Can we be in the store AND at home at the SAME time? (Note the opportunity to be silly and have fun!)

While Dressing

  • Are you putting on pants OR are you putting on shorts?

  • Bring me your socks AND your shoes AND your red shirt, but NOT your blue shirt.

  • Are your shirt AND your pants the SAME color OR are they DIFFERENT colors?

  • Did you put your shoes on BEFORE OR AFTER you got out of bed?

  • Can you lie in bed AND get dressed at the SAME time?

    These activities are taken from Raising a Thinking Child by Myrna B. Shure pages 36 – 38, where you will find more practice activities. Families are encouraged to make up their own ICPS games and activities using picture books and story books, coloring books, TV shows, puzzles, dolls OR puppets.

Lesson Two

Before starting with new information, it might be helpful to review what ICPS stands for - that's right: I Can Problem Solve. ALL of the games and activities in this family education series aim to help children be better problem solvers!

More Pre-problem Solving Activities

Our new lesson is provided to help family members learn to express their feelings using words. In this lesson children learn about the different kinds of feelings and clues, such as facial expressions and body language to help them identify what other people are feeling.

Again it is important to have fun with these activities. This lesson is a good time to be dramatic and act out different common feelings in exaggerated form. Another way to talk about feelings is to use characters in a picture book or a TV show. After talking about a character's feelings, you can encourage a child to talk about his/her own feelings. It may be a good time to ask a child, "Have you ever felt that way?"

When you ask such a question, it is important to listen and not judge. Judging will shut down conversation.

In Lesson Two the focus is on learning to talk about feelings, our own and others.

Assignment: Practice activities for identifying and sharing feelings. Optional: Read chapter 3, of Raising a Thinking Child, “Understanding Feelings.”

Practice Activities for families to develop sensitivity to others:
Several times during the week, together or individually, make one or more of the lists suggested below. Share your answers with other members of the family. Discuss how you experience things the SAME or DIFFERENT, how you agree or disagree. Remember the purpose of the discussion is to increase family members’ feeling word vocabulary AND sensitivity to one another, AND NOT to have the “right answer!”

  • Parents - Name 5 things that your child does that makes you feel each of the following: HAPPY, SAD, ANGRY, or PROUD.

  • Parents - Name 5 things you think might make your child feel: HAPPY, SAD, ANGRY, PROUD or FRUSTRATED.

  • Child(ren) - Name 5 things that your parent does that makes you feel: HAPPY, SAD, ANGRY or PROUD.

  • Child(ren) - Name 5 things that make your parents feel: HAPPY, SAD, or FRUSTRATED. (Take one feeling word at a time for the above exercises. You can substitute any feeling word for any of these exercises, but start with common and safe words and build up to the more serious--difficult to discuss emotions.)

Lesson Three

Still More Pre-problem Solving Activities

Lesson Three continues with a review of feelings emphasizing “How do we know how the other person feels?” and more “Basic Vocabulary.”

Do you notice, we are not dealing with problems yet! That is because we are still invested in laying the foundation of strong pre-problem solving skills, BEFORE doing the problem solving.

Besides learning how to use words to express feelings, children need a lot of support and practice learning how to tell “how another person feels.”

ICPS promotes 3 ways to tell how another person feels, by:

  • Seeing with our eyes.

  • Hearing with our ears.

  • And, asking (with our mouth.)

Parents can help their children learn these skills by practicing them, again with storybooks, but also with everyday life situations. Such practice, should be kept light and in the spirit of having fun, being playful. These are good times to use your basic problem-solving vocabulary, especially words like SAME and DIFFERENT (do we feel the SAME or DIFFERENT about this) or SOME and ALL (do you feel this way ALL of the time, or just SOME of the time?)

More basic vocabulary words and their problem solving purpose:

GOOD TIME/NOT A GOOD TIME - to help children learn that timing is an important ingredient in successful problem solving.

IF - THEN - to introduce the concept of consequential thinking.

MIGHT - MAYBE - to use with IF/THEN to build a still better understanding of consequential thinking.

FAIR - NOT FAIR - to help children understand the rights of others and self in decision making.

Assignment: Practice activities using new words and phrases. Optional: Read Chapter 4, of Raising a Thinking Child, “More ICPSing.” Note that Chapter 4 is still working on Pre-problem solving skills. We are still laying the foundation for “good problem solving” to come later. The more familiar and competent children feel with the problem solving vocabulary and pre-problem solving skills, the quicker they will learn the actual problem solving applications. ICPS IS A PROCESS; ICPS IS NOT A SOLUTION! ICPS teaches children “how to think, not what to think.”

Practice Activities for Families: ICPS pre-problem solving skills
Here are some practice activities, these are just starters. Once you get the idea, your family is encouraged to make up your own ICPS games and activities.

IF - THEN
IF we are sitting, THEN we are NOT ___________________ (standing.)
IF you are playing with clay, THEN you are NOT __________________.

IF you go to bed late, THEN what MIGHT happen in the morning?
IF you don't put the blanket on, THEN what MIGHT happen?

IF you do a good job on your homework, THEN what MIGHT happen in school tomorrow?

IF this IS pizza, THEN it IS NOT ____________________________ .

MIGHT - MAYBE
You should bring an umbrella if you think it MIGHT ______________.

What MIGHT happen IF you eat ALL the pizza by yourself?

WHY - BECAUSE
This is a good day to wear a coat. Can you guess WHY it is a good day to wear a coat?
Do you know WHY we have to sleep each night?
Putting toys away is important BECAUSE ____________________________
__________________________________________.
We can't eat pizza every night BECAUSE ___________________________.
Do you know WHY the ice cream is kept in a freezer?
Do you know WHY cars need gas?

FAIR - NOT FAIR
Did anything happen in school today that was NOT FAIR?
IS it FAIR that your brother can go to bed LATER than you? WHY do you think it is ________________ ?
Would it be FAIR to buy you a special treat and NOT buy one for your brother? Would you AND your brother feel the SAME or DIFFERENT about that?

Lesson Four

Introducing Problem Solving:
Alternative Solutions

Finally, half way through the family education series, the program is getting to the problem solving skills! The ALTERNATIVE SOLUTIONS skill aims to teach children to think of many solutions before acting on a situation. With this skill a child learns to approach all situations and problems with the idea that there is MORE THAN ONE WAY TO SOLVE A PROBLEM.

The WHAT ELSE Game

Once again, this skill is taught though playing games. The games focus on making lists. The task is to think of WHAT ELSE can the child add to a list of ideas. The purpose of the WHAT ELSE game is to increase a child's ability to think of as many ideas as possible.

The parent's challenge is to acknowledge, even to compliment, the action of the child expressing another idea. A good way to do this is to say: “GOOD THINKING, now you have two (or three, four, etc.) ideas.” “WHAT ELSE can you think of?” OR “I bet you can think of still another idea.” The parent's tone of voice and words are to communicate confidence in the child being able to solve a problem for himself.

Assignment: Practice the WHAT ELSE game, finding alternative solutions. Optional: Read chapter 5, from Raising a Thinking Child, “Finding Alternative Solutions.”

The WHAT ELSE Game
Practice Activities for Families

  • Grocery shopping list. Play the WHAT ELSE game while developing a shopping list.

  • Summer vacation planning. Play the WHAT ELSE game to list ALL the things you need to take with you on a vacation to the beach.

  • When thinking about Grandma's birthday, make a list of ALL the things family members could do to make the day special. Play the WHAT ELSE game to think of still more ideas.

  • Pretend what could you do when you break something, like a toy that belongs to someone else. List all the DIFFERENT ideas you can think of.

  • What are ALL the different ways you can learn your spelling words? Use the WHAT ELSE game.

  • Make up puppet shows or stage little plays, using the WHAT ELSE game.

Lesson Four, Continued
Eventually, when applied to thinking of more than one way to solve a problem a child learns to apply the skill to think of alternative solutions. The thinking process is more important right now than the quality of the solutions.

When applied to problem behaviors, often it helps if the parent describes the behavior she is observing as the child's response to a problem. For example:

  • Fighting is one thing you can do to get what you want, WHAT ELSE could you do?

  • Or, that homework looks difficult, getting ANGRY is one thing you can do, WHAT ELSE can you do? (Sometimes a child’s feelings are so strong the child may need to step back, take a break and come back to the task of problem solving a little LATER.)

Some common problems in using ICPS:

  • Sometimes parents or children feel too angry or excited to ICPS. ICPS is a rational process that is difficult to do when people are too emotional.
     

  • It becomes difficult when there is more than one problem, OR the parent assumes one thing IS the problem AND the child experiences something DIFFERENT as the problem.
     

  • Another challenge for parents is to approach the child in a nonjudgmental way. Parental judgment often distracts the child to a defensive stance rather than focusing on the rational process of problem solving. A calm acknowledgment of what the child is struggling with and an effort to guide the child to think about his/her options is a supportive way to help a child strengthen his/her thinking skills.


    Families are encouraged to make up their own games. Also, look for opportunities when the children take leadership in these ICPS activities and games. Our goal is to help the children build their confidence as problem solvers. The playing of these games and frequently using the skills, can make them habit forming. Eventually, the skills become automatic to ICPS kids when they find themselves in problem solving situations.

Lesson Five

Another Problem Solving Skill:
Consequential Thinking

Another ICPS problem solving skill is consequential thinking. This skill considers the fact that behavior has causes and consequences. To help children to consider consequences we will introduce the IF …, THEN game. The game builds on Basic Vocabulary activities, IF I have a key, THEN I can unlock the door OR, IF I have enough money, THEN I can buy more trading cards.

Next, ICPS wants to use the Basic Vocabulary IF - THEN game with the solutions identified during the WHAT ELSE game. We want to pair, “What MIGHT happen IF …” with each solution listed. The goal is to have children learn to think for themselves, “What MIGHT happen, IF I do _____________,” BEFORE they act on a solution.

Assignment: Practice considering consequences activities. Optional: Read Chapter 6, Raising a Thinking Child, “Considering Consequences.”

Remember, it is best to start out with make believe or fictional activities, BEFORE trying out the skill on real life problem solving. Such practice builds children's confidence for LATER applications when they apply the skill in real life problem solving.

Activities for Families:
Practicing solutions and consequences activities

  • Apply the “WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN IF …” OR “WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN NEXT” games to stories being read out loud. Encourage your child's thinking by complimenting the thinking (“GOOD THINKING.”) To get away from any thought that there MIGHT be a "right" answer, ask “WHAT ELSE MIGHT HAPPEN?” This activity allows for opportunities to be quite creative and sometimes silly. An important part of ICPS is to have fun!

  • Any kind of sequential thinking activity can strengthen CONSEQUENTIAL THINKING. “Story building,” where one person starts a story and at some point in the story stops to pass the “telling” on to the next person, using the IF … THEN word pair, provides for opportunities to practice CONSEQUENTIAL THINKING.

  • A variation of the “story building” game is to have several people finish the SAME story in their own way by answering the question, “THEN what MIGHT happen next?” When finished, the family can talk about their story endings. Discussion questions can include: “Are the endings the SAME or DIFFERENT?”

Lesson Six

The 6 Lesson--Family Education Series is just an introduction to ICPS. Those of you who have been reading the book, Raising a Thinking Child with the lessons realize there is so much more to the program. In Lesson Six, our last lesson in the series, families will:

  • Review all skills.

  • Learn ICPS TALK.

  • Learn ICPS short cuts.

  • Evaluate the program.


To review all the skills families are urged to review ALL of the Practice Activities for Lessons One through Five and read the Raising a Thinking Child book. Another way to build on what you have learned is to refer to the Raising a Thinking Child Workbook, available through Research Press (1-800-519-2707 or Fax 217-352-1221.)

ICPS TALK is a way (structure) for putting all the ICPS skills together. The structure applies the ICPS words and skills to real family situations in such a way as to guide a child through the problem solving process. A simplified version of ICPS TALK is based on these four questions:

  • “What happened?” OR “What’s the problem?”

  • “How do you FEEL about what happened?” “How do others FEEL?”

  • “WHAT ELSE can you do to make things DIFFERENT?”

  • “IF you do something DIFFERENT, THEN what MIGHT happen next?”

Families who have been reading the companion book, Raising a Thinking Child, are aware of ICPS TALK (sometimes referred to as ICPS Dialoguing.) The book will give you many examples of how you can build the ICPS skills into ICPS TALK. ICPS TALK works, and it strengthens your children’s ability to be good and competent problem solvers.

ICPS short cuts can become second nature to many ICPS families. Often we refer to these as “one liners.” They are effective with children who have learned the ICPS problem solving process. These one liners are often enough to remind a child that he knows how to avoid or solve a problem himself, and does not need to be told what to do. Some common “one liners” are:

  • Can you THINK of something DIFFERENT to do while waiting?

  • IS that a GOOD IDEA, OR NOT a GOOD IDEA?

  • IS that a GOOD PLACE, OR NOT a GOOD PLACE to do that?

  • IS this a GOOD TIME, OR NOT a GOOD TIME to ask him?

  • IF you do that, what MIGHT happen next?

Trusting that you and your family have had a good start using ICPS and accepting that we can not include everything there is to know about ICPS, we are going to bring this 6 Lesson--Family Education Series to a close. You have several good sources to turn to for more information.

Please take your last assignment seriously. Also, complete the evaluation that follows the assignment and send the results to the address noted on the evaluation page.

Assignment: Continue to use ICPS. Support one and another. Have fun sharing ICPS with your family. Celebrate each other's THINKING!

RAISING A THINKING CHILD
6 Lesson--Family Education Series

EVALUATION

Please complete:
1. “X” the answer that best describes how often your family uses ICPS?
___ all the time ___ often ___ occasionally
___ infrequently ___ never

2. What concerned you most about your child(ren)'s behavior before doing the ICPS lessons?





3. How have those concerns changed since doing the ICPS lessons?





4. How have the ICPS lessons contributed to your sense of confidence as a parent?




5. How have the ICPS lessons contributed to your child(ren)'s sense of competence as a problem solver?




6. What part of the ICPS six-lesson family self-study program contributed the most to your family's use of ICPS?

 

 

Thank you for participating in the Raising a Thinking Child,
6 Family Education Lessons. Please send your completed evaluation responses to: ICPS, DuPage County Health Department, 111 North County Farm Road, Wheaton, IL 60187. For more information you can call (630) 682-7979 Ext. 7607

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